Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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