so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
