Umm I'm too high to move.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
