get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Send help, water and tortillas.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
