Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
