I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I am naked and annoyed.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
