this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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