she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
