Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
