I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
