He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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