Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
