so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
