It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
