Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
