the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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