Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
