a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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