I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
do nipples grow back?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
