I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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