She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
