evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
