The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize