dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
