Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
this is an emotional support booty call
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
