My nipple is on Facebook.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
