i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
