doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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