So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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