dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
