Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
