Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
