i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
