I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
