Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize