I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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