Christians are straight up FREAKS
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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