he wants to bone in the snuggie
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
