Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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