I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
