You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We have started to decorate penises.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
