if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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