watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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