I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
