I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
