the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize