I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Is her dick bigger than yours?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
