i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
