after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
