Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
