I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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