you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
