when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
