I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
