Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize