im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
