Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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