Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
