just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
